so i've come to the conclusion that- there is no conclusion.
that the things i spend countless hours stressing over are probably the wrong things to be stressing over.
because i stress over the wrong things, i'll never be able to accept myself, or be satisfied with myself
the term "home sick," isn't just emphasizing that you miss you're home... you can literally be sick from the sadness.
sometimes when you look at the stars, you can forget about literally everything, and listen to the ocean (or in last weeks case, the lake.. or in missouri, you could always listen to the sweat pour off you're face as you lay in your backyard that might as well be an effin sauna) you can forget about all you're problems.. because when you look at something as beautiful as the night sky, it's basically a sin to worry about anything.
i've come to realize everything i ever thought about myself, was wrong... or i just lost sight of it, and i'm to exhausted to keep looking.
i've realized that my fear of failure prevents me from being all that i can be, and i dont think i can even attempt to get over that until i'm out on my own.
i dont think i can go right to college... i need a year, or a few... the peace corps, or the Marine Corps..
i've always had decisions made for me, now i'm to afraid to make them on my own.
that music is the only freedom.
good day. | 
